Update from Tina Before her Flight to Texas

Tina should be taking off in about two hours or so. She posted a comment on Facebook:

"Ugh, I am sick today and I have to get on a plane. Called the doctor and waiting to hear back.
Still dealing with yesterday. Had a brain MRI, not sure of results yet. Legs are weak and they may never be the same. They want to put me on another chemo that will cause me to lose my hair again. It wasn't so hard the first time, but I am devastated this time. I just want to get married with my own hair. I know it is superficial, but it really hurts. I am seeing a neurosurgeon on 10/15. I don't know what to expect anymore or what to hope for. I hadn't been aware until yesterday that I have tumor in my spinal cord, I thought it was just my bones. It's gonna be a tough day."

I break down every time I hear things like this. I hope the trip down here will raise her spirits some. We are going to a comedy show Saturday night and she gets to see a high school friend while in town. Please continue to pray for her, not just her physcial healing but for her spirit as well.

The Smile Never Fades This Weekend.

This is a post from Tina's facebook page.


Picking up the books this weekend. If u still want to order 1, please let me know. There'll be a picture of Ashley & I with some of our cancer story. It's $35 if u order from me & u can write a check to me. If u order it online at ..."The Smile Never Fades" it's $35 plus a $5 shipping charge. A portion of the proceeds goes to Austin Breast Cancer Resource Center. We're up to about 20 books so far. Thanks 4 ur help.

If you are in New Jersey and would like a copy, please let me know and I'll send a copy home with Tina. You can just write her a check. You can contact me if you are in the Austin area and I'll pick one up for you to save $5 in shipping.

Woohoo, only four days until they visit!

Back in Texas and waiting for next weekend

I was expecting delays on 9/11, but 5 and half hours? Really? It had nothing to do with terrorists, just tornados...or tomatoes as the cutie-patootie said next to me. Awww. Since I always fall asleep as soon as I board and buckle up, all I brought with me to do was Sudoku. That's only entertaining for about 15 minutes, 30 tops. I went to the in-airport bookstore and found "The Last Lecture". I'd been wanting to read it since I first heard about him on Good Morning America. If you're not aware, "The Last Lecture" is about a professor diagnosed with pancreatic cancer who had three to six month left with his wife and three young children. Boy, talk about a bad time to read it. I cried several times in front of at least 40 people waiting at the gate.

By the time I landed, I had missed out on half of a day of seeing Tina and Ashley. My mom and I did have fun getting lost on the way back from Philly at 11pm though. However, the GPS lady kept hogging the conversation. I couldn't get a word in edgewise. "So mom, how's--Turn right in one point three miles" Shut up lady, I'm talking here! hehe

The next morning, Ashley and I made a fort in her play room. It's amazing how you can still feel like a little kid at times but your body definitely isn't one anymore. I could hardly sit and keep my butt and my feet in the fort at the same time, so how could I be expected to play in it? I hate that she lives so far away from me, but it's awesome to be able to play with her when I get the chance.

After I got the feeling back in my lower extremetries from being bunched up and hiding from bad guys (my mom), the family went out to dinner. I hope it was nice for Tina to get out of the house and it not be to the hospital, a support group or errands.





Sunday was an early morning. We first went to the Bridal store and Aunt Lisa and I tried on bridesmaid dresses. Then it was off to Ashley's family birthday party at the park. It was nice to see family that I hadn't seen in a long time and I know it was good for them to see Tina.

Monday morning we went into Philly. Tina had a follow up appointment with the orthopedic surgeon then physical therapy. Since that's in two different places, we got to take a limo from the doctor's office to CTCA (Cancer Treatment Centers of America). If you're paying millions of dollars in hospital bills, might as well take advantage and ride in style. I'm so not cut out for that lifestyle though. I almost had to use the patient vomit bags. The longer the car, the worse my carsickness is apparently, blech.

Then it was back to the airport. At least my flight was only delayed by 30 minutes this time. I finished "The Last Lecture" just as we landed. I called mom as soon as I got off the plane and she told me that Patrick Swayze had passed from pancreatic cancer. I bawled, what timing. Sheesh. He fought for a long time. He will be missed. RIP.

The weekend was very short but at least mom, Ashley and Tina are in Texas in just one week.

Update by Tina

This was written by Tina last week. It got lost in my email...stupid spam.

Last lumbar MRI was 9/22/08 and is how we found the cancer. There are new lesions since last September but none appear to be new new, there have been things that have shown up on the PET scans. There is a healed or healing compression fracture in my lumbar vertebrae which has caused some shortening of the lumbar spine. In addition to the lesions in the thoracic spine, I also have some bulging discs which have nothing to do with the cancer.

It does not appear that anything is impinging on any nerves or the spinal cord, but I am experiencing some occasional burning sensations in my lower left back next to the spine and some weakness in the right leg.

I am going back to the orthopedic oncologist on Sept 14th to check the hip and shoulder. I will have him review my new MRIs. If the symptoms are worse and he deals with the back, I will get his opinion. If he doesn't deal with the back, they will send me to a neurologist.

I am walking better and speaking better, but I am very tired in the afternoons. My hands have started peeling which is a side effect of the Xeloda and I am having almost daily stomach pains in the afternoon but we don't know what that is from.

Overall, I feel good, but I never know what each day will bring. I guess we're good as long as it brings another day. Ashley starts school next week and I can't wait to WALK her to the bus stop for the first time.

I am having some issues with the online school thing. Perhaps too much too soon. Too late to drop out and a lot to catch up on.

--Tina

Status Update (Boy that sounds impersonal)

I feel as though I have no creative synapses today so I'll give it to you straight. Today, Tina had an MRI done to look closer at her back. She's been having more pain there than usual so the doctors want to check , should get results on Wednesday.

Although there are many days that are either trips to the hospital or simply lying around the house, recently Tina's told me about more frequent outings. Ones that don't include needles, chemo drips or radiation.

Tina, Ashley, Paul, and Paul's daughter, Payton, ventured out to the boardwalk. They all went on some rides. She says it makes her feel normal again. That makes me want to cry.

She's gone to see Paul's band and has been visiting the pool. My my took the most adorable videos of Ashley at the pool. She has become quite the little fish, even jumping off the high dive; that's Ashley, not Tina. :)

Anyone have a DeLorean I can borrow?

In the first blog I mentioned how this blog is also a vehicle for venting. So get out your notebooks and get ready to say, "and how does that make you feel?", because I'm getting comfy on the couch and all set to let it out.

I know you've seen Back to the Future. There's one part of the movie in Part II that really has me thinking lately. Marty had caused a break in the timeline and spawned a parallel universe. In this alternate universe, his father had died, the whole town was trashed, Biff and his mother were married, and nothing was as it should be. He had to go back in time (yet again) to fix this and right all of the wrongs. I feel like I'm stuck in an alternate universe.

Somewhere there is another me living a much happier, "right" life where my sister isn't sick and everyone is employed. I know there's no such thing as a "right" life, but I just feel like things were going swimmingly, then out of no where, I fell into a downward spiral and I can't climb out.

So, does anyone have a DeLorean I can borrow? I can actually buy a Flux Capacitor online. It's to scale, mountable and has adjustable flashing lights. It even says in the description that if you get pulled over for speeding to point to the Flux Capacitor and tell the officer, "I was just trying to get up to 88mph."

https://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/plush/9fc6/

At least this makes me giggle. The one thing that Tina and I love doing together is watching 80s movies. I feel bad for anyone else in the room with us because we quote all the lines to the point of absolute frustration. Tina better clear her schedule on September 12, I see an 80s movie marathon in our future. Our own John Hughes film festival perhaps.

Maybe Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow

Scott Leger is a singer/songwriter for the band Wideawake out of Austin. I met him about 8 years ago or so while he was playing his acoustic on the deck of a Starbucks. Over the years I've been to many shows and even brought my mom to a few. After I went to Chicago, she became better friends him and the band than I had ever been. He even played at my mom's 50th birthday party this past November. If you ever have the opportunity to see him or his band, you should definitely go.

He wrote a very special song about his friend Sharon who had cancer. My mom and I went to the recording of the video. I've posted the video and put the lyrics below. It's very moving, have a tissue on hand. Everyday we have to remember to LiveStrong, not just for our loved one(s) with cancer, but for ourselves too. It's kinda like on an airplane when you put on the mask for yourself first then help someone else. You're no good to someone if you're not there and strong enough to help them. (Thought I'd put in a little humor...very little, I know). Always keep smiling. = )

Maybe Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow lyrics

I heard the news today. It came out of nowhere. I wish I could run away,but where would I go? Is this my destiny? Something so unfair... What will become of me? God only knows.

And they say the road to heaven might lead us back through hell. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, we will win this fight and bury this sorrow. We're so alive, still holding on, not ready to die, so we LIVESTRONG.

My pride is left for dead, as my world gets shaken. The thoughts inside my head are so hard to control. I am staring down the unknown, but one thing is certain: you could break my body, but you will never break my soul.

And they say the road to heaven might leads us back through hell, but we're holding on for more than stories to tell. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, we will win this fight and bury this sorrow. We're so alive, still holding on, not ready to die, so we LIVESTRONG.

The History and The Mission

Growing up, my sister Tina and I were so different. Even though we are only three years apart, the gap felt bigger. We rarely had those special sister moments that people often talk about, but of course we loved each other. My Mom, Dad and I moved to Texas in 1995 while Tina stayed in New Jersey to go to college. The distance in miles has exasperated the distance in our relationship. It wasn’t until our adult years that our friendship began to grow. Unfortunately, it was at that point that life chose to throw some really difficult challenges her way. I feel extremely helpless and want to do whatever it is that I can to make things at least a little better. I want to tell you about Tina. I want to tell you about how her strength has inspired me, and humbled me to ask you for your help.

Tina was first diagnosed with breast cancer in April 2006, at the age of 29. This was a rough period in her life; she was going through some marital troubles and struggling to take care of her two-year-old daughter, Ashley, who is the absolute light of her life. After months of treatment Tina’s cancer went into remission. Although they tried to make things work in their marriage, Tina and her husband eventually divorced, and she was ready to start a new chapter in her life.

Tina had a new lease on life and was ready to find love again; true love that she didn’t even know existed yet. That’s when she met Paul. She described him to me as something straight out of a movie script or romantic novel. She told me that all those cheesy lines about someone lighting up a room, or making your heart skip a beat really do happen. Their relationship has continued to flourish and those moments have yet to disappear. I had never seen Tina so happy.

In the summer of 2008, Tina started to experience pain in her lower back. She thought it was muscle strain that would go away on its own. After a few months, the doctor suggested an MRI where they discovered her cancer had returned, but this time it was much worse. It had spread to her liver and lungs and all throughout her bones in her legs, hips, back, sternum, and arms. I can only imagine how things might be different had she gone to the doctor at the onset of this pain.





The cancer has taken a serious toll on her body. An aggressive drug used in conjunction with the chemotherapy caused rash on her face, the effects of which have yet to fade and may never fully disappear. For reasons we don’t yet know, one of her vocal cords is paralyzed and she sometimes speaks in a whisper. Because of the cancer in her legs and hips, it’s difficult for her to walk. Unfortunately, she lives in a two story house. Since the cancer has spread to her arms and shoulders, she can no longer pull herself up the stairs by the banister and it’s becoming increasing harder to get in and out of the car. On her most recent trip to the hospital to get scans, the doctors discovered she had broken her hip. She’s had surgery to insert pins to stabilize the break. After that has healed, she will receive rigorous physical therapy to reverse the affects of the atrophy caused by being mostly bedridden for more than six months.

Throughout all of this, Tina’s maintained a positive outlook. Sometimes it is difficult for me to understand how strong she is inside, when she looks so weak on the outside. She can hardly walk, has no hair, a scarred face, and can barely speak, but she has an unwavering determination that she will beat this. Her strength is an inspiration to our family and everyone she meets.

When I heard the cancer returned and she would need help, I drove to New Jersey to be her caretaker through the beginning months of chemotherapy. My mother was laid off from her job in April so we traded places. Although I tried my best to care for Tina, there’s nothing like having your mom around.


Paul has been with her throughout all of this. Although they wanted to wait until they were married for them to live together, they’ve decided it was best that he move in now to help out as much as he can.


Tina lost her job after being on disability for more than six months. As luck would have it, Paul also got laid off. There are now three adults under one roof, a five-year-old to take care of, and no one has a job.

Tina and Paul desperately want to get married. He is determined to make this special for Tina, but cannot afford to until he is employed again. Due to my sister’s mobility, there needs to be a remodel on the house which includes a chair lift and a renovation of the bathroom. Just recently the transmission went out on the car which is how she and my mother get to the hospital in Philadelphia every day for radiation and physical therapy treatments. The family is chipping in to help with these expenses. With mounting medical bills, the cost of raising a child, every day bills and expenditures, and now an expensive remodel, a wedding is the last thing they can afford.

I am reaching out to the public because I simply don’t know what else to do. It is heartbreaking to see Tina get hit with a new obstacle every time she turns around. She’s gone through so much grief; I want to be able to give her some joy. I want to give Tina and Paul the wedding they deserve and a time to gather extended family to celebrate this truly wonderful occasion. Nothing over-the-top or incredibly fancy, just something that right now is unfortunately beyond their means given all of the medical expenses and the economic hardships. I know that Paul has made Tina happier than she’s ever been, and I’d like to give them the opportunity to focus on that. I want to give my sister another way to fight this cancer – by focusing her energy on the love she’s found. We never know how much time we have on this earth and I think it’s important that they don’t put it off. True love should never have to wait.





I am sending the above letter to people and companies that might be able to help with this cause. If you know of anyone who may be able to help, please contact me. Thank you everyone for your love, support, prayers and positive thoughts.

Chronicle of a Strong Woman's Ups and Downs

I've started this blog for my sister Tina who is currently battling cancer. I want her story to be told. It's not only to keep friends and family up to date on her status and everyday triumphs and set backs, but to be honest, also as a therapeutic outlet. You are all now my psychologists as I lie rambling on this metaphoric couch known now as Tina's Elevator: Chronicle of a Strong Woman's Ups and Downs.