Status Update (Boy that sounds impersonal)

I feel as though I have no creative synapses today so I'll give it to you straight. Today, Tina had an MRI done to look closer at her back. She's been having more pain there than usual so the doctors want to check , should get results on Wednesday.

Although there are many days that are either trips to the hospital or simply lying around the house, recently Tina's told me about more frequent outings. Ones that don't include needles, chemo drips or radiation.

Tina, Ashley, Paul, and Paul's daughter, Payton, ventured out to the boardwalk. They all went on some rides. She says it makes her feel normal again. That makes me want to cry.

She's gone to see Paul's band and has been visiting the pool. My my took the most adorable videos of Ashley at the pool. She has become quite the little fish, even jumping off the high dive; that's Ashley, not Tina. :)

Anyone have a DeLorean I can borrow?

In the first blog I mentioned how this blog is also a vehicle for venting. So get out your notebooks and get ready to say, "and how does that make you feel?", because I'm getting comfy on the couch and all set to let it out.

I know you've seen Back to the Future. There's one part of the movie in Part II that really has me thinking lately. Marty had caused a break in the timeline and spawned a parallel universe. In this alternate universe, his father had died, the whole town was trashed, Biff and his mother were married, and nothing was as it should be. He had to go back in time (yet again) to fix this and right all of the wrongs. I feel like I'm stuck in an alternate universe.

Somewhere there is another me living a much happier, "right" life where my sister isn't sick and everyone is employed. I know there's no such thing as a "right" life, but I just feel like things were going swimmingly, then out of no where, I fell into a downward spiral and I can't climb out.

So, does anyone have a DeLorean I can borrow? I can actually buy a Flux Capacitor online. It's to scale, mountable and has adjustable flashing lights. It even says in the description that if you get pulled over for speeding to point to the Flux Capacitor and tell the officer, "I was just trying to get up to 88mph."

https://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/plush/9fc6/

At least this makes me giggle. The one thing that Tina and I love doing together is watching 80s movies. I feel bad for anyone else in the room with us because we quote all the lines to the point of absolute frustration. Tina better clear her schedule on September 12, I see an 80s movie marathon in our future. Our own John Hughes film festival perhaps.

Treatment Update and The Smile Never Fades

Tina started with chemo in January. It worked really well on her organs, shrinking the tumors in her lungs, liver, and the little tumors on her chest. It didn't, however, work as well on her bones. Because it spread to her shoulder and arm, they opted to switch treatment and concentrate on her arm with radiation and start chemo in pill form.

Tina's done with the radiation for now but still taking the chemo pill every day. This is alternated with two weeks on, one week off and will continue for about nine weeks or so. Every three weeks she gets Avastin which cuts off the blood supply to the tumors. Once a month she gets Zometa to strengthen her bones and Zolodex to cut down on hormones which can cause cancer to spread. I wish she would've gotten more Zometa earlier, maybe she wouldn't have broken her hip. But then she wouldn't be able to say that she "finally got her big break". Boooo, hisss, someone throw a tomato already.

She goes back for scans in about two months to see how well the treatment is working and decide on the next steps from there. So far since her surgery, her doctors and physical therapist are very impressed with her mobility. I think the stronger she is with that, the more her body can work to fight the cancer.

There is an Austin author who lost his wife to cancer. He wrote a book called, The Smile Never Fades. He has written two others and Tina's story will be in Volume 3. That is where the picture of Tina and Ashley, and the one of Tina, my mom and Ashley come from. I'm pretty sure it's going to have the story in it about the airport trip. Just thinking about it makes me giggle. Tina and Ashley were coming to visit Austin, just the two of them and for some reason, no immediate help from passersby. Picture this: here's a woman in a wheelchair with luggage on her lap and her knee-high-to-a-grasshopper five-year-old pushing her, grunting with every step. Eventually a gentleman didcome over to help...thank God someone was raised with manners. Nevermind the people staring, I just think it's adorable that Ashley would do that.

If you're interested in purchasing a copy of this book, you can preorder it online:
http://www.thesmileneverfades.com/book.html

There is talk of a book signing so if he actually does one here, Tina will be coming back to Austin for a visit. I'm excited because no matter if that happens or not, I'll be seeing her in September for Ashley's birthday party. Hey Tina, way to hold it on September 13th, now I get to fly on September 11th. Hooray for me!

Maybe Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow

Scott Leger is a singer/songwriter for the band Wideawake out of Austin. I met him about 8 years ago or so while he was playing his acoustic on the deck of a Starbucks. Over the years I've been to many shows and even brought my mom to a few. After I went to Chicago, she became better friends him and the band than I had ever been. He even played at my mom's 50th birthday party this past November. If you ever have the opportunity to see him or his band, you should definitely go.

He wrote a very special song about his friend Sharon who had cancer. My mom and I went to the recording of the video. I've posted the video and put the lyrics below. It's very moving, have a tissue on hand. Everyday we have to remember to LiveStrong, not just for our loved one(s) with cancer, but for ourselves too. It's kinda like on an airplane when you put on the mask for yourself first then help someone else. You're no good to someone if you're not there and strong enough to help them. (Thought I'd put in a little humor...very little, I know). Always keep smiling. = )

Maybe Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow lyrics

I heard the news today. It came out of nowhere. I wish I could run away,but where would I go? Is this my destiny? Something so unfair... What will become of me? God only knows.

And they say the road to heaven might lead us back through hell. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, we will win this fight and bury this sorrow. We're so alive, still holding on, not ready to die, so we LIVESTRONG.

My pride is left for dead, as my world gets shaken. The thoughts inside my head are so hard to control. I am staring down the unknown, but one thing is certain: you could break my body, but you will never break my soul.

And they say the road to heaven might leads us back through hell, but we're holding on for more than stories to tell. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow, we will win this fight and bury this sorrow. We're so alive, still holding on, not ready to die, so we LIVESTRONG.

Taking a ride up to the next floor

I never thought of myself as a blogger. It seemed like a great idea a few weeks ago. Now it seems difficult to sit and put my thoughts into words, especially about things that are so personal. I could, of course, just tell you about the day to day about Tina that I hear third party through my mother via IM, but I am missing a lot of the data. I will wait until I have a long phone conversation and make sure I know all of the facts, good or bad before sharing them here.

I do know that since her hip surgery that she has walked up and down a flight of stairs without the use of a cane. She is using the walker more now rather than the wheelchair. Things are looking up.

She is going to the best possible hospital, Cancer Treatment Centers of America. Before Tina's cancer came back, I remember seeing a commercial for them. A woman with pancreatic cancer was saying that her initial doctor was very insensitive and cold while telling her she had three months to live. At the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, they don't believe that people have expiration dates unlike the two (maybe three) week old carton of milk in my fridge. Hmm, note to self, clean out the fridge. Anywho, Tina seems to be thriving there. Her doctor is always pushing to get out of that wheelchair and would never think to speak to a patient as though they're weak, but instead, "Get up damnit, stop being a sick person." It's all about attitude.

They also have holistic treatments. Once Tina's at the hospital, she's got a full day of appointments. It may start with light-touch massage, then acupuncture, then physical therapy and of course chemo and pain management. It's like a day at the spa, only...well, it's nothing like a day at the spa, but there are lots of appointments to concentrate on yourself and feeling better at the end of the day. I like the fact that they treat the caretakers so well too, free food and I can book appointments for myself. They've got a great cafeteria or you can order it up for room service. Oh, and the desserts, yum: cheesecake, milkshakes, ice cream, etc. I could have booked my own massages if I wanted. Hey, if it's included in the half-a-million-dollar bill, might as well, right? I passed on that though. Just didn't feel right getting a rub down while Tina's getting crazy chemicals pumped in her body. I would like to take some of the drugs though, she looked pretty happy on a few of them. :) Did I tell you she had medical marijuana at one point? It was in pill form and had to be refrigerated which I thought was strange. I was hoping for some brownies. Haha.

So for now, I have no real news to report except things are looking up, especially on the mobility aspect. Remember, if you've got a story to share about Tina or have pictures you want to post, send them my way. My email address is on my profile to right.

Many of you are asking to donate. I'm somewhat uncomfortable with accepting personal funds; I was looking for help from corporations, but the response has been overwhelming. I'll be posting a paypal soon. It's a lot easier than putting a check in the mail. Envelopes, stamps, actually writing a check (who does that anymore) and getting to the mailbox. The worst part of that is my sister then has to go to the bank. So the paypal will be up shortly. Please do not feel obligated to send anything; this is mainly for close friends and family that would send things anyway. The support so far has been incredible. It's because of all of you that my sister gets more strength. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers as I know she does too.

I leave you with very inspirational words from my friend and yours, Mr. Rogers and his farewell song:

It's such a good feeling to know you're alive. It's such a happy feeling, you're growing inside. And when you wake up ready to say, "I think I'll make a snappy new day." It's such a good feeling, a very good feeling, The feeling you know that we're friends.

Until next time friends...

Mother's Day Walk 2009

This is a post written by my cousin, Debi:


Tina and I met in 2003 when her 1st cousin Joe and I became a couple and decided to get married. I knew from the moment I met Tina we were going to be great friends and of course cousins by marriage. When I found out Tina had breast cancer it really made me sad and angry at the same time. My first instinct was to find a way to help, not only Tina but all women who have this disease.


In November of 2008 my husband and I met Tina and her family in Austin and participated in the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer walk. I had never been to a breast cancer walk before and it was an experience I will never forget, especially because Tina just found out her cancer had come back. When I returned to Houston I immediately started looking for walks here to participate in. This is when I found the Network of Strength Walk to Empower event on Mother’s Day. I decided to start a team in Tina’s honor and invite all the family and everyone else I knew, so Tina’s Texas Team was born. I really could not have asked for a better group of people to be with on Mother’s Day. Our entire family came along with several friends. We had t-shirts made, which my co-captain Jenny’s husband designed the logo for and Connie and her husband made the t-shirts at a very low cost to all of us, which was a blessing. It really was a group effort and the walk day was priceless.

Over 30 people showed up to honor Tina and did I mention that our shirt won 1st place in the t-shirt contest! Jenny and I made signs and held them up while we walked and Tina’s Texas Team definitely made a huge impact at the walk that day.
Tina is my inspiration every day, when I got up extra early the day of the walk and met walkers that complained about being there early on a Sunday or walking the three miles, I reminded them that they could have it worse, they could wake up with cancer everyday. So next time you have a bad day, think about Tina and all other women who wake up and have to battle cancer everyday of their lives. I do!

--Debi Anderson



I'd like to thank Jon who designed the logo. If you need graphic design, please contact him.

If you want to write a story about Tina for me to post, let me know. We'd all like to hear about your experiences together.

The History and The Mission

Growing up, my sister Tina and I were so different. Even though we are only three years apart, the gap felt bigger. We rarely had those special sister moments that people often talk about, but of course we loved each other. My Mom, Dad and I moved to Texas in 1995 while Tina stayed in New Jersey to go to college. The distance in miles has exasperated the distance in our relationship. It wasn’t until our adult years that our friendship began to grow. Unfortunately, it was at that point that life chose to throw some really difficult challenges her way. I feel extremely helpless and want to do whatever it is that I can to make things at least a little better. I want to tell you about Tina. I want to tell you about how her strength has inspired me, and humbled me to ask you for your help.

Tina was first diagnosed with breast cancer in April 2006, at the age of 29. This was a rough period in her life; she was going through some marital troubles and struggling to take care of her two-year-old daughter, Ashley, who is the absolute light of her life. After months of treatment Tina’s cancer went into remission. Although they tried to make things work in their marriage, Tina and her husband eventually divorced, and she was ready to start a new chapter in her life.

Tina had a new lease on life and was ready to find love again; true love that she didn’t even know existed yet. That’s when she met Paul. She described him to me as something straight out of a movie script or romantic novel. She told me that all those cheesy lines about someone lighting up a room, or making your heart skip a beat really do happen. Their relationship has continued to flourish and those moments have yet to disappear. I had never seen Tina so happy.

In the summer of 2008, Tina started to experience pain in her lower back. She thought it was muscle strain that would go away on its own. After a few months, the doctor suggested an MRI where they discovered her cancer had returned, but this time it was much worse. It had spread to her liver and lungs and all throughout her bones in her legs, hips, back, sternum, and arms. I can only imagine how things might be different had she gone to the doctor at the onset of this pain.





The cancer has taken a serious toll on her body. An aggressive drug used in conjunction with the chemotherapy caused rash on her face, the effects of which have yet to fade and may never fully disappear. For reasons we don’t yet know, one of her vocal cords is paralyzed and she sometimes speaks in a whisper. Because of the cancer in her legs and hips, it’s difficult for her to walk. Unfortunately, she lives in a two story house. Since the cancer has spread to her arms and shoulders, she can no longer pull herself up the stairs by the banister and it’s becoming increasing harder to get in and out of the car. On her most recent trip to the hospital to get scans, the doctors discovered she had broken her hip. She’s had surgery to insert pins to stabilize the break. After that has healed, she will receive rigorous physical therapy to reverse the affects of the atrophy caused by being mostly bedridden for more than six months.

Throughout all of this, Tina’s maintained a positive outlook. Sometimes it is difficult for me to understand how strong she is inside, when she looks so weak on the outside. She can hardly walk, has no hair, a scarred face, and can barely speak, but she has an unwavering determination that she will beat this. Her strength is an inspiration to our family and everyone she meets.

When I heard the cancer returned and she would need help, I drove to New Jersey to be her caretaker through the beginning months of chemotherapy. My mother was laid off from her job in April so we traded places. Although I tried my best to care for Tina, there’s nothing like having your mom around.


Paul has been with her throughout all of this. Although they wanted to wait until they were married for them to live together, they’ve decided it was best that he move in now to help out as much as he can.


Tina lost her job after being on disability for more than six months. As luck would have it, Paul also got laid off. There are now three adults under one roof, a five-year-old to take care of, and no one has a job.

Tina and Paul desperately want to get married. He is determined to make this special for Tina, but cannot afford to until he is employed again. Due to my sister’s mobility, there needs to be a remodel on the house which includes a chair lift and a renovation of the bathroom. Just recently the transmission went out on the car which is how she and my mother get to the hospital in Philadelphia every day for radiation and physical therapy treatments. The family is chipping in to help with these expenses. With mounting medical bills, the cost of raising a child, every day bills and expenditures, and now an expensive remodel, a wedding is the last thing they can afford.

I am reaching out to the public because I simply don’t know what else to do. It is heartbreaking to see Tina get hit with a new obstacle every time she turns around. She’s gone through so much grief; I want to be able to give her some joy. I want to give Tina and Paul the wedding they deserve and a time to gather extended family to celebrate this truly wonderful occasion. Nothing over-the-top or incredibly fancy, just something that right now is unfortunately beyond their means given all of the medical expenses and the economic hardships. I know that Paul has made Tina happier than she’s ever been, and I’d like to give them the opportunity to focus on that. I want to give my sister another way to fight this cancer – by focusing her energy on the love she’s found. We never know how much time we have on this earth and I think it’s important that they don’t put it off. True love should never have to wait.





I am sending the above letter to people and companies that might be able to help with this cause. If you know of anyone who may be able to help, please contact me. Thank you everyone for your love, support, prayers and positive thoughts.